Failure

It seems I am stuck on some somewhat grim topics these days. But through it all, I am certain that I am coming out with very optimistic opinions on all of them. It seems this is what I like to do; take challenges and find ways to get the positive out of all of them, no matter what happens, always come out with one or more good lessons learned.

So I've been stuck on the idea of failure; what it means, what it feels like, how to react to it, so on. I have talked to many people about it, pessimists, optimists, apathetic folk (there are a lot of self proclaimed apathetic people around by the way). Talked to my mom, my dad, clients, friends and all along, I really sat down and thought about how I felt about it.

What I have found is that everybody seems to have a different definition, everyone feels one way or another about it especially when it's surrounded by specific events. People have positive views on it when it's about things they love, they leave with great lessons learned and happy for the experience. But when they are experiencing something they do not like, failure becomes an excuse, something that's dirty and bad. I came away from all these chats and self-analysis with a very new perspective on what it means to truly fail, and I think I like what I've found.

"True failure is never having tried at all"

What I think this means is that failure (the kind it seems we all think about...you know, the negative kind) can only really happen if you just don't try something you want to try. As I'll explain here, just because you do not succeed does not make YOU a failure (in the negative view of it). I really only think that being a failure (being or doing something that could be looked at in a negative light by most people) is when you want something, but don't do anything about it. Or, if you did not succeed and then never try again because of that lack of success. I really think that a lot of people construe what failure really means; and because of this, they make life very hard on themselves.

The definition of failure is simply: to not succeed. If it was always simply looked at like this, I think there would be way more happy people in the world. Failure is not a negative thing, it does not mean you suck at life, or even at the thing you are trying, it simply means you put forth a goal, and you did not achieve that goal at that time, or in that effort, that is it.

Now I don't want to take away from the disappointment of failure. It does hurt to not achieve ones goals, and a lack of success should never be taken lightly. But that old saying "it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game" really has some meaning to it. What I mean here is that if you set forth to achieve a goal and train for it, and work towards it, and never compromise your pursuit in any way and still somehow don't get there, that is not true failure, that is reaching your limit. From there you know that you gave it your all and the only thing you can do now is work harder to achieve it next time. You learn from your experience and you push forward. During this time of pushing to your goals you'll realize that every day is filled with smaller versions of what you are attempting. Every day, every moment you try something (a miniature goal) and you either succeed and move on, or "fail" and try again a new way; or, after you re-evaluated your first attempt. The next day is filled with much of the same, as is the next, and the next, until you final goal is either reached, or just out of reach. If you really looked at failure in such a negative light all the time, according to this process, you'd probably be the most depressed human being in the world, even if you reached your goal. I say this because all along, you just keep failing over and over again. But the funny thing is, most people don't see those failures as failures. Trial and error isn't failure, it's trial and error. Well, not achieving a bigger goal can really be seen as just trial and error on a grander scale.

Be pissed, be frustrated, be bothered that you did not succeed. But then take that and use it as motivation to learn from your mistakes and go after it again. Too many times have I seen on the ball field, or in the gym, or (and this is the scary one) in life, that people do not succeed and proptly call themselves failures and walk away with their head hanging. Well if you walk away and never come back then yes, the harsh truth is, you are a failure! But if you sit back, look at why you did not succeed, and come back in a new and stronger way, you never really truly failed, you just hit a speed bump, found a door that was a little difficult to open, or tried to run before you could walk.

If you take this attitude, you will never truly fail in life. I can say this because if you are constantly pursuing your goals, without giving up, you will come to two conclusions no matter what:

You will succeed.

You will learn that you actually can not do it in a healthy manner.

The latter is not failure by the way. If I have a goal to squat 1000lbs, but every time I keep pushing I just keep injuring my back and knees. Well, perhaps, if I were smart and very concerned for the well-being of my back and knees, I would stop. I would accept that my body can't handle it, I reached my bodies limit (a wonderful thing to find by the way) and hold off from pushing further. And if I want to return to this goal another time, well, so be it, but for know, I am at a limit. That is not true failure.

But, if you make a goal and never really put all (and I mean all) your effort into achieving that goal; then walk away. You failed. Or, if you put it all and just went about it the wrong way, and in the end you don't succeed. Then, you re-evaluate the process and still want the goal but still just walk away. I think that is failure too. This last one is a little iffy but let me tell you a story...

A guy wants to pack on about 15lbs of muscle and become a better athlete. Without knowing a thing about lifting he hits the gym six days a week and spends a good two hours in there working and working and working. After a couple months of great results he starts to realize his strength, energy and level of play start to deteriorate. So what does he do?

Well, if he says "shoot, I guess lifting just doesn't work, what a waste of time, I can't do this" and walks away; well, I think that's a failure. But if he says "man, maybe I went about this all wrong", then he reads up on lifting and nutrition, and his sport, talks to some professionals and begins again from a better angle; well, that is a process destined for success.

The point here is folks, life is full of little failures; but if you sit back, look at what happened, and keep on going failure is not a negative thing at all. In fact failure can be one of the greatest lessons we can learn, and should be welcomed as one of our best teachers. I have not succeeded many, many times in my life; but when I look back over the years I can say with much confidence that I am not a failure. I have always pushed for more, for better, always wanted to find that limit with the hopes that I would never reach it and could keep on pushing. My experiences have been and will continue to be recorded in this blog.

Share with me some of yours...

Never Stop, GET FIT

Josh Courage

Trying To Push The Limits

As most of my clients know already I am a fan of pushing the limits. What this means is that I like to test the limitations of the human body and mind through any sort of activity. I have learned through the years that the most, and usually best changes occur on that very last extra lap, the last mile or the extra umph to the end. The other great thing that happens during these strenuous moments is that you are faced with nothing but yourself, what you thought was the very peak of your abilities become challenged right then and there.

My limits were tested last Sunday; and I crashed and burned. I had my fourth marathon planned up in Albany, NY. A runners run. this race was flat as any race out there and just circled around the University of Albany campus and State Buildings about 5 times...how boring. But because of this I figured it would be perfect to work on splits (explained in a second) and push a little further than 26.2 and get 31 in, a 50k, in preparation for my 50 miler in April. The weather was chilly but fine, especially since the sun was shining bright without a cloud in the sky. The small group of a little less than 100 people made our way to the start line at about 10 until 10am. It seemed like everyone knew each other. It was a mixture of students and old runners, most of which seemed to have run well over 50 marathons in their time and also, it seemed to me, really considered this one a fun, short little weekend run...and people say I'm crazy.

My plan was to run 30 minutes straight before breaking down into 8 minute runs, 2 minutes walk splits through hour 2. After that, I would try a different split, working 4 minutes running and 1 minute walking. On top of that, I would be running a slower pace than normal with the intentions of saving my strength so I could push through an added 5 miles at the end. I figured, even if I walked most of those last five miles, I still would push beyond my farthest of a marathon. So off I ran.

Things seemed to be going fine as I entered into my last loop, about mile 20 (they didn't really have mile markers, so I just guessed); but as I hit the turn around I was witness to about 5 other runners crossing the finish line not 20 yards from me. That hurt. I didn't really realize at the time, but that really got to me. Then, pushing on the halfway mark of the loop I remember clear as day, in fact, I think I even said it out laud, "I can't do this". Now, for those of you who know me, those words have probably been spoken by me maybe 5 times in my life, and the second I said them, I was defeated. My body was breaking down and through this, my normally very strong mind was breaking down too. When I crossed the finish at 4:06, I was done; no chance in hell I was running any more.

It was an interesting experience for me to watch myself break down mentally like that. I think negative thoughts all the time just as most people, but usually they act as motivation for me to push harder. This time, I just could not bring myself to do it. I was happy with 26.2, I did it in my second best time, but I've done it before. I went in with the goal of doing more, driving further, pushing my past limits and I could not beat something I had done in the past. Now, of course their all many other factors that are in play here, I assume now that I could have had a much faster time if I was actually going for time. I make this assumption because I was intentionally trying to run slowly, and finished with my second best marathon time out of four. I clrearly wasn't able to stick to the game plan of around a ten minute mile, but I did learn, with the splits, I could push a nine minute mile and probably stick to it for 4 hours straight. Which is a cool thing to learn.

Ultimately, looking back, I did push my limits, I just didn't get beyond something I had done before. It is clear to me now that pushing your limits does not have to mean you set a PR every time you try something. It could be just waking up when you are VERY tired for some people, or making sure you get to the gym 4 times a week no matter what. If it is something you feel you truly will struggle with at the time, and you do it anyway, you push your limits and grow.

When all is said and done, I am happy with the last race, and am still confidant I will finish the 50 miler in April. I will keep pushing every day, and I will keep helping my clients push every day because I know, when you challenge yourself you change, and when you change you learn, and when you learn you progress. It's the never ending process of the mind body and the world, and it is a great thing weather it is understood or not.

Never Stop, GET FIT

Josh Courage

Drive Cont'd

It was the beginning of March. Spring training for the big leaguer's was quickly coming to an end and I was beginning to lose hope that I would ever get a good phone call. I was slowly allowing myself to think about how stupid it might have been to have not signed an Australian contract. Or perhaps I would head back to France for a full season. But these thoughts were only fleeting; and I kept my head down and got just continuously got after it.

One day, I was looking around for a new place to throw. Seeing how it was early spring and teams were out practicing, it was getting harder and harder to find an area where I could both throw off a mound, and long toss into a fence of sorts. I had more than a few times even gone out to a large field, with no other options around, and just thrown 10 or so balls as far as I could down the field, then sprinted to them and repeated back in the other direction. This was a great way for me to get an intense long toss in, as well as sprints, all at the same time. But I always preferred a fence, just so that I would be able to set up a target.

So I drove out to Shirley Povich Field, out near Potomac, MD. This was a regional park that used to play at when I was younger, and now had been really worked on over the years to allow the Bethesda Big Train and the Georgetown Hoya's play host their home games there. The great thing was, there were about 6 or so field in total, so I knew I'd be able to find some room. I found an empty field way off to the side and set up my routine. I ran a little, went through some active warm ups to get my body and arm loose, then grabbed my bucket of balls and went out to throw. I had maybe gotten three throws in when a pickup truck screeched up to the fence and a man jumped out yelling at me to "Hey! Get the hell off the field!" Well, I didn't much like his attitude, but there really wasn't anything I could do but tell him there was no need to yell and I'd get off the field. Needless to say, I was pretty pissed off about the whole situation. Now I would have to pack it all up, find some other field (and Povich was a hike from most areas) and get it all set up again. But, I would have to do it, I needed to long toss and get a short bullpen in that day, so I would drive around all day if I had to.

As I walked towards the car my phone rang. I dropped my stuff and picked it up, excited because I didn't recognize the number. The man who was calling said he was the procurement director with the Pensacola Pelicans and had gotten a call from the national cross checker scout for the Devil Rays recommending me as a pitcher for their club. He told me that Spring Training would start at the end of April and that if I was ready to sign a contract he would need a fax number. And there was my chance.

A month later I was driving along the white sand beaches of Pensacola in my '89 Saab convertible. The top was down and all I could think as I breathed in the warm Florida air was "I'm in Florida, I am a professional baseball player. This is so damn cool."

The season started with a bang. I had proved myself during spring training and was placed in the roster as the Closer. I had a great host family set up and was making friends with everybody. I would wake up in the morning, during home games, and head to the gym for a couple hours. After that I'd grab lunch and either head out to the beach for a little, or head home to watch a movie and read by the pool. Then, I'd head out to the park to get pre-game warm ups in and prepare for the game. That was my life, and I got paid to do it.

The first highlight came during our first game of the season. We were in Jackson, MS and it was a tight game all the way up to the ninth. We were up by one and all we needed was three outs and we would secure the win. This was my job. I came in, went through my little rituals and proceeded to get three quick outs; a strike out, a ground out and a strike out to win the game. It was great, especially because my father was their to witness my first true professional appearance.

Another highlight was about a month and a half into the season. I was ranked as one of the top pitchers in the league with around 14 appearances, 14 innings and 7 saves. I had only given up 7 or so hits, and only 1 run. The Pensacola News Journal came and interviewed me for a big article, and the local news channel ran a special on me as well. It was a great feeling to be the center of attention as a pro.

Now, as I move on with my life and am going on my second year as a retired ball player, I look back at my short career and always smile knowing that I got to have such great experiences. I loved it. The ups and the downs, the good and the bad, it was all so much fun and I know that I put my all into it to get there. I was never a stand out, never the best, but I worked hard. I worked harder then anyone around me because I wanted it that bad. When everyone else went inside because it was too cold, or too dark, or too wet, I kept training; and I made it. I will treasure those times humbly and forever; and will now always focus on helping other people find what it is they truly want, and get it.

Never Stop, GET FIT

Josh Courage